


pumpkins and gummy bears

by oursweetboys



Category: Gandrew - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, childhood best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oursweetboys/pseuds/oursweetboys
Summary: Garrett and Andrew have been best friends since they were eleven years old, but things are starting to change. There's family drama, a hidden sexuality crisis, and Garrett's impending departure for university. Neither of them know what the future will hold. Neither of them know whether they will ever get what they really want. But what they do know? They'll always have pumpkins and gummy bears.TDLR: gandrew childhood best friends AU following the beginning of their relationship.
Relationships: Andrew Siwicki/Garrett Watts
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. That's Christmas To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I listen for the thud of reindeer walking on the roof  
> As I fall asleep to lullabies, the morning's coming soon  
> The only gift I'll ever need is the joy of family  
> Oh, why? 'Cause that's Christmas to me

Andrew knocked on the front door. He’d been told hundreds of times to just go in, but every time he reached for the handle, his anxiety got the better of him, and he resorted to knocking instead. The light falling snow made him shiver, even beneath the oversized Hufflepuff hoodie swamping his lithe frame. He shifted from foot to foot until the door swung open and he was greeted with Linda’s warm smile. 

“Come on in, honey,” she said kindly, welcoming Andrew into the house. “What have I told you about knocking?” 

“I know,” Andrew smiled sheepishly. He stared down at his shoes as he wiped the snow off and kicked them to the side. “Is Garrett upstairs?” 

She nodded. “He’s been hiding up there all day. Something about a Zelda game being more important than spending time with his family.” 

Andrew tried to stifle his laughter, “you shouldn’t have given him the game until _after_ he socialised.” 

“You tell me this now.” 

“Sorry,” Andrew stared down at his hands, tugging lightly at the sleeves of his hoodie. He paused for just a beat before remembering the bag on his back, “oh-” 

He unzipped the bag with a grin and shyly presented Linda with a beautifully wrapped square gift. She took it with a surprised smile, gentle taps on the top producing a metallic sound. 

“It’s nothing much, just some cookies I baked,” Andrew began, but she cut him off with a sweet kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you, Andrew. It’s very kind of you,” she gently squeezed his shoulder, “you know I always look forward to your Christmas baking.” 

Andrew smiled back at her. He zipped his backpack up and shot a glance at the stairs. 

“Go distract my son from his video games,” Linda chuckled. 

“Thanks,” Andrew hesitated for just a second longer, “Merry Christmas!” 

“Merry Christmas, honey.” 

He returned her smile and then disappeared up the stairs. 

Andrew rounded a corner and wandered down to Garrett’s bedroom. The door was covered in posters and stickers. He’d seen it so many times he probably knew the décor by heart, but he noticed that Garrett had added a tiny Santa hat to the skeleton taped to the door handle. _Cute._ Being mindful of the skeleton, Andrew pushed the door open and peaked his head around. 

As always, the bedroom resembled something of a junkyard, but Andrew’s attention was immediately drawn to the boy dangling half off the bed, his head just missing the Death Star rug. He smiled to himself and shut the bedroom door. Garrett was too invested in his Nintendo Switch to notice that somebody had entered the room. Andrew took the opportunity to watch him, admiring the way his glasses sat crooked on his nose and the slight softness of his stomach where his dorky Christmas jumper had ridden up. His eyes wandered to the small pile of wrapped presents sitting on the bed. Andrew hoped they weren’t for him. 

“Oh shit!” Garrett exclaimed. He tumbled backwards off the bed and landed on the carpet in a heap, bumping his head against a broken lightsaber and wincing. “How long have you been standing there?” 

Andrew giggled into a sweater-covered hand and watched Garrett struggle to sit back up on the bed. “Not long. Mentally jerking off to Link again?” 

“Always,” Garrett poked his tongue out. He turned his Switch off and Andrew navigated his way through the mess to sit on the bed with him. “My mum liked the cookies, right?” 

Andrew rolled his eyes and nodded. 

“Ha! Told you,” Garrett laughed and shuffled back on the bed. “Everybody likes your cookies. Your cookies are life in a tin. If a man was dying, and no doctor in the world could cure him, your cookies would be able to bring him back from the brink of death.” 

“Shut up,” Andrew giggled, grabbing a poke ball cushion and hitting him over the head with it. 

Garrett batted the cushion away. “Don’t suppose you have any cookies for me in that bag of yours?” 

“You already had so many!” Andrew said, “you ate half of the first batch! I had to make a second!” 

“No regrets, man. I don’t wanna die and wish I’d eaten more of your cookies and known I could have, if only I’d just gone for it.” 

“You’re such a dork,” Andrew rolled his eyes, “I’m sure your mum will let you eat half of hers.” 

“So that’s a negative on the cookie situation, then?” 

“I’ll make you some for New Years,” Andrew said, adding a spoonful of reluctance to his tone. He could never deny Garrett a thing. Andrew was sure he only baked as well as he did because he had such an eager recipient waiting on his baked goods. 

Garrett tackled him in a hug and Andrew squealed, swatting at him for a beat before giving into the hug. “This is why you’re my best friend.” 

“I’m starting to think you’re only friends with me for the cookies,” Andrew grinned, sitting up again when Garrett released him. 

“Andrew,” Garrett pouted, “don’t think that. I’m not only friends with you for the cookies.” 

“You’re friends with me for the brownies as well?” Andrew guessed. 

Garrett spluttered into laughter and nodded. “Dang it! You know me too well.” 

“Your humour is impeccable, as always.” 

“Thank you,” Garrett said sincerely, collapsing onto the bed besides Andrew. They laid there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, listening to the vague chatter coming from downstairs. Snow piled up on the windowsill and sent a shiver down Andrew’s spine. His shivering caught Garrett’s attention. 

“You need a blanket?” 

Andrew nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. “Your room is always freezing.” 

“Really?” Garrett scrunched his nose, grabbing a Power Rangers blanket from the end of the bed and wrapping it around Andrew’s shoulders. He hesitated for a moment, making sure the blanket was nice a snug before he sat back. 

“You’re just immune to the cold,” Andrew mumbled. 

“Imagine if I was a superhero and that was my entire power. Just cold-immune.” 

“Everyone else is flying around with their laser beams killing all the bad guys, but at least you don’t need to wear a coat.” 

They cackled with laughter at themselves, Garrett clutching Andrew’s arm until he calmed down. When he did, he turned to his friend. 

“Hey, you want your gifts?” 

Andrew whined, “I told you not to get me anything.” 

“Oh, come on, you think I work four nights a week to _not_ buy you Christmas presents?” 

“Garrett,” Andrew stretched out the last syllable with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re not supposed to spend money on me.” 

“Course I am. That’s what I’m here for,” Garrett dismissed the pout, but he took a second glance at his best friend when Andrew was looking the other way. The boy didn’t notice the endearing smile on Garrett’s face, nor the way his eyes lingered on his pout for just a second before turning to the presents. “Big one or small one first?” 

Andrew bit his lip, glancing between the gifts, “small one?” 

Garrett handed it over and Andrew held it lightly. The wrapping was appalling, paper bunched up and sellotape hanging of the sides, but Andrew was touched. Garrett never wrapped anything himself. He bit down on his lip and gently peeled the paper off. 

Andrew squinted at the little box when it was revealed. He held it in the palm of his hand, lifting it up to eye level. “World’s smallest walkie talkies?” He looked over at Garrett. 

“Yeah!” He shifted onto his knees and nodded with far too much enthusiasm. “There’s two, see? One for you, one for me. This way we can talk wherever we are in the house.” 

Andrew bit back a smile. “You know we have phones, right?” 

“Yeah, but these are cooler.” 

“Maybe,” Andrew looked back at the little walkie talkies. “Do they even work?” 

“Only one way to find out.” 

Andrew carefully pried open the box, taking the little walkie talkies out of their wrapping. He handed one over to Garrett, who was practically bouncing with excitement, and started flicking some of the buttons. 

“Gummy bear to pumpkin spice, I repeat, gummy bear to pumpkin spice,” Garret said into the walkie talkie. 

Andrew laughed, gently pushing his shoulder. “Those are not our code names.” 

“Those have always been our code names!” 

“Maybe when we were twelve,” Andrew shook his head. “And I think these need batteries.” 

“On it, pumpkin spice.” 

“Shut up,” Andrew grabbed Garrett’s arm before he could jump off the bed, “we can get batteries later.” 

“Ooo, someone wants his other present,” Garrett poked his tongue out. 

Andrew flushed red and tried to protest, but Garrett was already shoving the bigger present into his arms. This one was soft and plush and Andrew already had an inkling of what it might be. 

“Open it!” 

Andrew gently nudged Garrett with his foot, but upon further insistence, he started peeling back the wrapping paper. It didn’t take long to reveal soft green fabric and long green ears. Andrew removed the baby Yoda toy from the paper and grinned at it. 

“I know you’ve been having more nightmares recently,” Garrett said, his voice a little softer now than it had been before, “I thought you’d feel a bit better if you had him with you. Since I can’t always be there.” 

Andrew looked up at Garrett and shuffled over to hug him. Garrett laughed softly and wrapped Andrew up in a big bear hug, rubbing the boy’s back like he always did. 

“Thank you,” Andrew mumbled into his jumper. 

“You’re welcome,” Garrett hummed, squeezing the boy tightly. “Love you.” 

“You too,” Andrew mumbled. He held on a little longer before trying to pull away. Garrett just tutted his tongue and kept ahold of him. 

“No moving, you’re comfy,” he said into Andrew’s hair, loosening his grip just enough for the boy to shift and get comfy. 

“Is it Star Wars time?” 

“I think we got time for a couple before mum insists on us eating.” 

“Oh shit-” Andrew sat up, looking around for his backpack and rifling through it. “I forgot about _your_ gift!” 

“You got me something?” Garrett’s face lit up. 

“Yeah,” Andrew mumbled, handing an envelope over to him. “It’s not much or anything, I wanted to get you something bigger but-” 

“Shush, it’s perfect,” Garrett said, attention focused on prising the envelope open and seeing what was inside. He never expected anything from Andrew – he knew the boy’s family didn’t have very much, and he never wanted to add to the stress of that – but it always meant that much more when Andrew gave him something. 

He gently pulled a CD out of the envelope and smiled at it. “You made me a playlist?” 

“I mean- kinda, yeah, but it’s like,” Andrew fidgeted with the ear of his baby Yoda, “it’s music I made. For you.” 

Garrett’s head shot up and he stared at Andrew, “you made me music?” 

He nodded, “we got access to the recording studio with school and I thought I’d make you something.” 

“Oh my God, I need to listen to this right away! Where’s my CD player?” Garrett started looking around, but Andrew’s nervous laughter and protesting pulled his attention back. 

“Wait until I leave. It’s kinda cringe, and if you hate it, I don’t wanna see your reaction.” 

Garrett pouted, “I’m not gonna hate it. You could make fart noises into the microphone for an hour and you know I’d still treasure it for the rest of my whole entire life.” 

“You probably would,” Andrew giggled, but he still shook his head, “you can listen to it later. I got you something else you can use right away.” 

Garrett bounced on the bed, “gimme, gimme.” 

Andrew scooped a couple of bags of gummy bears from his bag and tossed them at Garrett. They hit his head one after another and Andrew couldn’t help but giggle. 

“There you go.” 

“Star Wars and gummy bears,” Garrett laid back against his pillows and sighed happily. “Put the disc in, will you?” 

Andrew poked his stomach and grumbled something about him being lazy, but he located the disc for A New Hope and pressed play on Garrett’s beat-up old DVD player. The TV flickered to life and music filled the room. He could hear munching sounds behind him and Andrew knew from experience that he wouldn’t get any gummy bears at all if he didn’t get in there quick. 

While the opening scene played, Andrew settled down next to Garrett and buried into his side. He was nervous about a lot of things, but cuddling Garrett wasn’t one of them. Especially not during movie nights. Especially _especially_ not during Christmas Star Wars Movie Night; a time honoured tradition between them. He grabbed a handful of gummy bears from the bag and pressed his cheek against Garrett’s shoulder. 

“You know, you’d make a really hot Princess Leia.” 

Andrew giggled and hit his chest. “You say that every year and it’s still never true.” 

“Yeah it is. You’re Leia, and I’m obviously the dashing Han Solo.” 

“If you’re Han Solo, wouldn’t that make me Luke? Your even more dashing best friend?” 

Garrett smiled to himself and hummed. “Oh yeah. My mistake.” 

\------------ 

“Boys! Food is on the table; you need to come down now- oh,” Linda paused when she entered the room. The boys were dimly lit by the television screen, credits rolling and music playing softly in the background. Andrew shifted a little on top of Garrett, but soon buried his face back in the boy’s shoulder. It was a sight worth capturing, had she not left her phone downstairs. Linda smiled to herself and walked back downstairs. “One day they’ll figure it out.” 

Buried beneath a sprawled-out redhead, Garrett poked an eye open and watched the door close. He tightened his arms around Andrew. The boy’s breathing was slow and steady and Garrett allowed himself to run his fingers through Andrew's soft, red hair. He sighed quietly. “Maybe one day.” 


	2. House Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're on the couch, blowin' up my phone  
> You don't wanna come out, but you don't wanna be alone  
> It don't take but two to have a little soiree  
> If you're in the mood, sit tight right where you are, babe

“I thought you said this was going to be a small gathering,” Andrew shouted over the music. He cowered behind Garrett, using the taller boy as a shield against the sweaty bodies dancing along to Lady Gaga. The house was packed, and Andrew wondered if they’d managed to stumble into some kind of TARDIS, because he swore it hadn’t looked this big on the outside. 

“This is a small gathering," Caleb laughed, flinging his arm around Garrett's shoulder and cackling. "Man, you should've seen the party down at Warren's last Friday. Now that was a party." 

"This is practically a funeral in comparison," Ricky agreed, and then the two boys disappeared into the crowd. Andrew scrunched his nose up and glanced at Garrett. The boy smiled at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, squeezing just enough to make him feel grounded. 

"Just relax, yeah? Have fun! It's New Years Eve, you can let loose for a bit," Garrett squeezed his shoulders again before letting go. Andrew wasn't convinced, but he didn't have time to argue before Garrett was dragging him over to a group of people he apparently knew. 

Andrew grabbed a beer on the way to give himself something to do while he followed Garrett around. His friend seemed to know everybody and anybody, which didn't surprise him: Garrett was just that kind of person. He had so many friends that Andrew wasn't sure why Garrett even bothered inviting him to parties. How much fun could it be to have a quiet year 12 kid following him around everywhere? Andrew heard enough to know that Garrett’s friends found it annoying, even if Garrett didn’t. 

After a while, the conversation turned to university, and that was finally enough to make Andrew excuse himself. He was overwhelmed enough without the reminder that his best friend was leaving in September. Garrett always brushed it off as something they would deal with in the future, but it might as well have been happening tomorrow, for all Andrew’s anxiety cared. He slipped off before Garrett could notice and decided he would find himself another beer. 

Amongst the crowd of teenagers singing along to Katy Perry, Andrew spotted a group of guys he vaguely knew from his psychology class. He veered off to the kitchen to grab a cold beer from the fridge, and then decided to see if he could awkwardly stand with them rather than with Garrett’s friends. To their credit, they did seem to know his name, but after some initial small talk they quickly went back to whatever it was they were talking about before he showed up, and Andrew went back to blending into the background. 

He was finishing off his beer when Dylan, a scruffy blond with an aptitude for getting into trouble, turned to him.

“So mate, you got your eye on any of the girls here?”

Andrew nearly choked on his beer and everybody laughed while he cleared his throat. “Uh- I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Oh come on, this place is teeming with hot chicks and you haven’t even thought about it? You gay or something?”

“No,” Andrew shook his head, ignoring the way something inside him twinged at that factually accurate denial, “I guess Mary-Anne is cute.”

The guys cheered, “oh dude, ain’t she just? You seen that top she’s wearing tonight?” Dylan made a chefs kiss with his fingers and they all laughed. “We should totally try and get you laid, man.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” Andrew shook him off, but Dylan was marching him through the crowd before he could say anything further. He could practically feel the group’s eyes on him as Dylan introduced him to Mary-Anne, a girl he’d always admired in his biology class, for her brains more than anything else. He told her as much once Dylan walked away and the two soon got to talking. Before he knew it, she was asking him if he wanted to go upstairs with her, and Andrew’s brain short circuited just long enough to say yes.

Her mouth was on his before the door finished closing. Her lips tasted like cherries and her skin was soft beneath his touch and Andrew felt himself melting into the kiss. A heavy sense of relief rushed over him. He was making out with a girl, and he was enjoying it. He pressed her against the wall and felt her body against his and he could feel a warmth pooling in his stomach. Andrew smiled into their kiss. He was okay. Mary-Anne slipped her hands beneath his shirt and he relished the feel of soft skin against his stomach. She was gorgeous, and soft, and she smelled incredible, a combination of vanilla and fresh apples that reminded him of something he couldn’t quite place.

His mind drifted away as they kissed, settling on a memory from a few weeks ago. Andrew laying on the bed, lost in a book he’d picked off the shelf. Garrett wandering around in a towel, hair wet from the shower. Music playing in the background, the sweet smell of vanilla body wash and apple shampoo drifting through the room. Garrett changing into a silly superman onezie, making Andrew cackle and forget the guilt he was feeling for watching his best friend get changed. Forget that this wasn’t the first time he’d betrayed Garret’s trust like that, forget that maybe there was a reason he couldn’t draw his eyes away. Forget that the sight of Garret naked would be on his mind tonight while he was trying to fall asleep. 

“Are you okay?” Mary-Anne pulled away, making Andrew realise that he’d stopped kissing back.

He rubbed his face, “yeah, I- fuck. I’m sorry. I need to go.”

“Sure, yeah-”

Andrew rushed out of the room before she could finish, his heart beating at a hundred miles an hour. Why did he have to ruin it? She was so nice, so gorgeous, so perfect - and he still couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Garrett. He was straight. What was wrong with him?

The cold air sobered him up. Andrew sat on the stone steps leading up to the house, burying his face in his hands. The music was muffled and distant from out there and he could almost pretend he wasn’t there at all. Andrew squeezed his eyes shut and played the last twenty minutes over and over in his mind until he felt like he might scream.

“Hey pumpkin,” Garrett’s voice broke through his thoughts, startling Andrew back to reality. He looked up from his hands and saw his friend sitting next to him. “What you doing out here?”

Andrew shrugged and looked back down at the ground, “just needed some air.”

“Yeah, me too. It’s pretty crowded in there, huh?”

Andrew just nodded. Garrett was quiet for a minute, shuffling closer so their arms were pressed together. He wasn’t sure if that was for warmth or comfort, but Andrew appreciated it either way. He leaned his head against Garrett’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“You wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” Garret asked. His voice was gentle and soft and Andrew knew he wouldn’t be pressured into doing so, but it was nice to know the boy cared.

“S’alright. You should be back in there with your friends anyway. Don’t miss out on a good party cause of me.”

Garrett huffed, “I stopped having fun the minute you left. Come off it. You know I’d rather spend time with you than any of them.”

Andrew bit his lip and looked down at his shoes.

“Anyway, you promised me a cheek kiss at midnight, and I can’t get that if you’re out here, can I?”

Andrew laughed, “oh my god, I forgot about that.”

“I didn’t,” Garrett grinned, wiggling his eyebrows, “you owe me a big fat kiss on my cheek. I earned it fair and square.”

“You did,” Andrew had to concede, mind flashing back to that particular Mario Karts tournament. He smiled to himself. “Alright. But you should go back and enjoy yourself until then. I’ll come find you at midnight.”

“Nu uh,” Garrett shook his head, “come on. Let’s go do something we both wanna do.”

“We both want you to enjoy this party,” Andrew protested.

“Shut up,” Garrett laughed, “I do like parties, but I like you more. Now in a perfect world, I would sit and listen to you tell me what happened to get you all overwhelmed enough to sit out in the cold when you hate the cold, but since I suspect that won’t be happening,” he tapped Andrew’s nose playfully, “let’s go raid Tesco for snacks instead.”

Andrew let Garrett pull him to his feet, brushing off the dirt on the seat of his jeans. “Nothing happened, it was just a bit crowded in there.”

“Uh huh,” Garrett said, but he didn’t push it. He wrapped his arm around Andrew’s shoulders and pulled him down the road with him. “Maybe you’ll be more willing to talk when you’ve got some food in you.”

It was a twenty minute walk to the nearest Tesco, but it was worth the walk. They emerged triumphant, with arms full of doritos, dips, hot pumpkin pie, and of course, bags and bags of gummy bears. Garrett found them a nice spot in the parking lot, sprawled out on the grass banking the far east corner. Andrew collapsed onto the ground and giggled.

“Remember when we said we were gonna try start eating healthy in the new year?”

“It’s not the new year yet, my friend,” Garrett grinned, popping open a bag of gummy bears. “Do you think I could dip these in the salsa?”

“Garret, no,” Andrew laughed, watching in mixed horror and delight as Garrett tried it.

“Oh wow, no, you were right,” he scrunched his face up in disgust, “that was not a winning combo.”

“You’re not a winning combo,” Andrew muttered jokingly, dodging a packet of doritos Garrett threw in his face in response.

They dug into their impromptu feast and settled into a comfortable quiet. Andrew watched the cars drive by while they shared the last slice of pumpkin pie and then turned to look at Garrett.

“I kissed a girl.”

Garrett smiled at him, “Andrew! Congrats!”

“Yeah,” he laughed quietly, staring back down at his shoes. “I dunno.”

“Was she a bad kisser?”

“No, no, she was great. Perfect, really.”

“Are you a bad kisser?” Garrett nudged him playfully.

Andrew sighed and leaned back on the grass. “I hope not, but I’m bad at everything else.”

Garrett stayed quiet, waiting for Andrew to elaborate.

“I just feel like I’m not good enough at being what I’m meant to be. Like I’m doing something wrong. I always feel like I’m doing something wrong.”

“That’s your anxiety talking,” Garrett hummed. Andrew nodded. “You’re pretty damn great at everything you do, pumpkin. I can’t think of a single thing you do wrong.”

Andrew smiled. “Thanks.”

“Is it just your anxiety, or is there something specific that you feel you’re doing wrong?”

He let out a long sigh and rolled onto his side. He couldn’t talk to Garrett about this in any detail, but the boy always managed to ease his mind one way or another.

“Something specific,” Andrew said carefully.

Garrett smiled down at him, “something specific you want to tell me about?”

“Not really.”

“That’s okay,” Garrett murmured, reaching down to gently still where Andrew had started scratching his arm. “You’re incredible, pumpkin. Whatever it is, I know everything is gonna work out okay.”

Andrew let out a breath and shuffled so his head was laying on Garrett’s lap. His phone buzzed and he checked it, tapping a quick reply to his mum before he noticed the time. “Fuck- it’s midnight.”

“Already?” Garrett asked through a mouthful of doritos.

Andrew nodded and sat up, laughing when Garrett immediately pulled him onto his lap. “Gay.”

“Always, babe,” Garrett laughed and wrapped his arms around him. “You know what time it is.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and, with an over dramatic huff and a spoonful of pretend-reluctance, he pressed a kiss to Garrett’s cheek. The boy cheered and Andrew laughed at him.

“Happy new year, Garrett.”

He laughed softly and kissed Andrew’s cheek. “Happy new year, pumpkin.”


	3. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every time I smile while I'm doin' fine, does it show?  
> 'Cause I'm really freaking out, too scared of letting you go  
> Then my heart drowns out my thoughts, my head's about to explode  
> What I need is some closure

The Christmas holidays went by in a dizzying flash of sleepovers, Star Wars, and enough sugar to power a small village for a month. Andrew continued to be nervous and confused about everything and Garrett continued to resemble a golden retriever in just about every way. Things were good, and then school restarted again, and they fell back into the same comfortable routine they always had.

Andrew’s first morning back was a stressful mess of mock exam revision and additional content that left his brain reeling. He knew he wasn’t ready for the mock exams, it was an unfortunate but highly predictable consequence of spending his entire Christmas break fucking around with his best friend, but it left him feeling pretty defeated regardless. Everything was piling up and there just weren’t enough hours in the day to figure it all out. He walked out of his psychology class certain he was only seconds away from asphyxiation.

Seeing Garrett stood there waiting for him felt like a breath of fresh air. The boy was leaning back against the wall, scrolling through his phone with a smile on his face. Andrew dodged through the crowd of students and stopped beside him.

“Hey you,” Andrew murmured. He peered over Garrett’s shoulder, smiling a little at the meme he was looking at.

“Hey yourself,” Garrett grinned, tucking his phone away. “Class okay?”

“I’m gonna fail my mock,” he huffed.

“Andrew! Don’t say that!” Garrett wrapped an arm around Andrew’s shoulders. “You’re going to do just fine!”

Andrew smiled weakly, but all the belief in the world wasn’t going to make up for weeks of procrastinating and he knew it. He tugged his sleeves over his hands and stared down at his feet. “Right.”

“Andrew-” Garrett started, but he was interrupted by a big group of his friends before he could finish his sentence. They dragged the two of them down to the cafeteria and Garrett was quickly lost in conversation, swapping holiday mishaps and discussing their upcoming mock exams.

Andrew took the opportunity to sink back into his thoughts. The arm around his shoulder kept him grounded to an extent, but his thoughts drifted back to the constant pressure of school that he could barely keep up with. Then to his parents, who were too busy ripping each other’s heads off to care what grades he got in school. Then to his inability to ever be good enough for anyone, his lack of friends at school, lack of real talent outside of school. By the time they reached the front of the cafeteria line, he’d hit more insecurities than he’d known he had.

“What do you want?” Garrett asked, looking at Andrew as they approached the counter. He looked up at the menu and bit his lip. 

Truth be told, he wasn’t hungry. Andrew was never really hungry. His stomach usually hurt too much with anxiety for him to be able to stomach a full meal. He hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning, nor dinner the night before. The idea of eating made his stomach twist and turn, but then he looked back at Garrett and knew he couldn’t do that to his friend. The boy always worried so much when he turned down lunch.

Andrew sighed a little and ordered a pasta pot. It was enough to keep Garrett happy, but hopefully light enough to stomach it. Garrett squeezed his shoulders lightly and ordered food for the both of them. Andrew would figure out a way to pay him back later.

He lost himself in thought while they waited for their food. They were seated at a table before Andrew could realise what was going on. Garrett’s friends were loud and dominating and Andrew didn’t contribute much to the conversation on a good day: that day, he ate his pasta and tried to disappear from existence.

Andrew’s thoughts drifted back to that morning. Had Garrett heard his parents fighting? They’d been loud when the boy arrived at his house, but Andrew had shut the door and got Garrett out of his front yard as quickly as he could. Had that been suspicious? Garrett was always so good about not bringing up things he knew Andrew didn’t want to talk about, but that wasn’t enough. He didn’t want Garrett to worry about any of it at all. He didn’t want him to pick up that things were difficult - but when didn’t Garrett pick up when things were difficult? Did hiding things from Garrett make him a bad friend? If it did, then he was the worst friend on the planet. God knows there was more than one thing Andrew was keeping from him.

Maybe I am the worst friend on the planet.

“Andrew?” Garrett poked his cheek, pulling him back to the world of the living.

“Yeah?”

“You gonna finish that pasta?” Garrett broke out into a cheesy grin that almost unconsciously put a smile on Andrew’s face.

“Nah, you can have it,” Andrew pushed the pot over to his friend, glad to see the rest of the pasta go. He giggled quietly at the happiness beaming off of Garrett. He really needed to start keeping snacks on hand so he could see that smile more often.

“You really are the best of us, Siwiki,” Garrett said through a mouthful of pasta. He patted around his coat pockets and produced a little paper bag containing a half eaten cookie. Garrett handed it over to him like it was some kind of gift, “here! You can have this in exchange.”

Andrew giggled and took it from him. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome!”

Andrew nervously nibbled on the edge of the cookie.

“God, you two are so cute,” Ricky chimed in, a handful of others agreeing with a laugh, “Garrett, you should truly just go ahead and confess your undying love for him already.”

“Honestly mate, you two need to get a room already,” Caleb cackled.

“Oh fuck off,” Garrett kicked them both under the table, rolling his eyes at the suggestion. “Me? In love with Siwiki? Dream on. You know he isn’t my type.”

“What? Hot isn’t your type?” Caleb teased.

Garrett scoffed at him dramatically, rolling his eyes with a flair that had the others laughing. They all started piling on at Caleb instead, taunting him for calling Andrew hot and making fun of the way his voice cracked while he tried to defend himself. Garrett lost himself in the fun and piled on as well, failing to notice when Andrew grabbed his bag and hurried out of the cafeteria with tears in his eyes.

His vision was so blurry he tripped over somebody’s bag, mumbling an apology as he rushed down the corridor and into the boy’s bathroom. He shut himself in one of the stalls and buried his face in his hands.

Why did that bother him so much? Andrew could barely breath, yet alone answer that question. Hearing Garrett scoff at the mere idea of him being hot stung, but for some reason, hearing Garrett sound so appalled at the thought of being in love with him felt like the world was ending. It was so stupid. He was so stupid.

Stupid Andrew, stupid Andrew, stupid Andrew.

Of course Garrett doesn’t like you. Why would he? You’re just a stupid kid with a fucked up family who can’t even pass his mock exams. You’re too young, too skinny, too fucked. And why does it even matter? You’re straight, remember? Why does it matter if Garrett loves you or not?

A little voice in the back of his head told him that he knew why, but Andrew stomped it down and squished it back into the furthest corners of his mind. 

When the clock struck one, Andrew dried his eyes and made his way to class. He ignored the handful of texts Garrett sent him, along with literally everything both teachers and students said throughout his final classes. He couldn’t get his mind to focus on anything. All he could do was think about Garrett’s words, and the fact that he would never be good enough for the boy, and the fact that none of this even mattered in the first place.

Stupid Andrew, stupid Andrew, stupid Andrew.

The afternoon passed by in a blur. Andrew stumbled his way out of the front doors and headed home on his own. Normally he walked back with Garrett, but he couldn’t face him right now. Not after leaving at lunch and ignoring his texts all afternoon. Andrew knew he was just making things worse for himself, but he was so overwhelmed by it all that he didn’t know how to make it better. He just wanted to hide from all of his problems until they went away.

Of course, that wasn’t an option with Garrett. 

Andrew heard him before he saw him, loud footsteps and heavy breathing coming from behind him. He looked over his shoulder and saw Garrett running towards him. That made him smile a little bit: Garrett hated running.

“Hey, wait up,” Garrett said, breathing heavily as he slowed to a walk besides Andrew. “You didn’t wait for me!”

Andrew bit his lip, “yeah. Sorry.”

“What’s going on?” Garrett frowned, stopping and staring at Andrew. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Andrew quickly shook his head, eager to deny anything was wrong at all. “Everything is fine. I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you. Just forgot.”

“You forgot?” Garrett pouted, “but we walk home together every day.”

Andrew rubbed the back of his neck and stared down at his feet.

“Andrew, is this about earlier?” Garrett asked, gently tugging at Andrew’s sleeve. “Did I upset you or something?”

Andrew swallowed heavily and shook his head. 

“Pumpkin, you gotta talk to me,” Garrett kept a hold of Andrew’s sleeve. “I can’t make you feel better if I don’t know what’s bothering you.”

Andrew rubbed his cheek and kept his eyes firmly trained on the floor. “It’s nothing, Garrett. Seriously. I just want to go home.”

Garrett sighed and let go of Andrew’s sleeve. He hesitated for a second, and then started walking again, hoping the boy would follow. “You know I just said what I said earlier cause I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, right? You’re the best Andrew, anybody would be lucky to date you, and I’m pretty sure you’re everybody’s type. I just get it’s kinda weird being straight and being really close friends with an openly gay guy, and I didn’t want people to think you were gay or anything, since that always makes you uncomfortable. That’s all. I didn’t mean to upset you or something.”

Andrew glanced over at him. A little sigh left his lips, and he reached over to tug at Garrett’s sleeve. “You didn’t upset me.”

Andrew could tell Garrett was trying not to roll his eyes. 

“Seriously. And it’s not weird being friends with an openly gay guy. I don’t care what people think. Being friends with you doesn’t make me not straight.”

Garrett mustered up a smile, “okay good. I just wish you would tell me why you’re so upset, and why you left lunch earlier, and why you’re shutting me out all of a sudden.”

Andrew dropped his hand from Garrett’s sleeve and stared down at his hands again. He was visibly tense now. Garrett sighed and rubbed his face.

“You don’t have to talk to me,” he added quickly, “I just wish you would. You know I love you, pumpkin, and I’m always here for you whatever you’re going through.”

“Yeah,” Andrew mumbled quietly. He hated himself for this. He could feel himself ruining the only real friendship he had, but he felt like everything was crumbling around him and there was nothing he could do about any of it. He felt completely and utterly helpless. “Thanks, Garrett.”

They paused outside of Andrew’s house, and Garrett grabbed at his sleeve again, tugging him into a hug. Andrew buried his face in Garrett’s chest and tried not to cry.

“Do you want to come over? We don’t have to talk. Could just binge watch Harry Potter and eat gummy bears?”

Andrew sighed and pulled away from the hug. “I have so much studying to do.”

“You could come over and do homework then? I promise I won’t distract you.”

He considered it for a moment, he really did. But Andrew needed to be alone for awhile. He shook his head and gave Garrett a half-hearted smile. “I’m really tired. Maybe tomorrow, though?”

Garrett wasn’t very good at keeping the disappointment off his face. He didn’t comment, though, and just pulled Andrew into another tight hug instead. “Alright, pumpkin. Text me later? And get some sleep. And make sure you drink enough water.”

Andrew laughed weakly against his chest and nodded. “Yes, mum.”

“Go,” Garrett smiled, gently pushing Andrew towards his door. “Love you. Don’t forget to text me.”

“You too,” Andrew mumbled, walking over to his house. He slipped inside and closed the door firmly behind him. 

As soon as he was safely inside his room, he broke down crying.

Stupid Andrew, stupid Andrew, stupid Andrew.


End file.
